I reflected on these words during my run this morning. With each stride I felt more thankful and blessed for his kind statement. His words were incredibly supportive and perfectly fitting. What more can I do in this life than strive to wrap reality with my joy.
Life is hard, there is no use in denying it. So is running. But both can bring us so much joy if we allow it to seep into our lives. Some days are harder than others. Christmas time and the final week of the year can bite us harder than other days. These days are spent reflecting on the year behind us, analyzing our successes and failures, our growths and setbacks, measuring what we have learned and what we wish to forget, recalling our regrets and our blessings and planning how we will do it all again in the year ahead. Each new year provides us with a fresh start, a feeling of carpe diem.
Adara and Gpa walking to feed the ducks at UNM. Christmas Eve 2013. |
I am a strong believer that our thoughts create our destiny. We can choose to dwell on the negative and the challenges that make up our life, or we can choose joy. As this neighbor pointed out, I choose joy. We create our own joy. We can not always create our own reality. Post Christmas-morning bit harder than most, quite literally. Isaac is teething hard, woke every couple of hours whining last night and has begun a nasty habit of biting me while nursing. Biting so hard that I am left bloody, burning and in pain. This morning's 5:30am bite sent me back to bad in tears. As physically painful as the biting hurt, the emotional sting was worse. I can not help but feel that he is rejecting me. My Isaac, my last baby, is cutting this mother-babe-nursing relationship off and I am just not ready. I have been through this rejection before, it is nothing new to me, though the biting is new. Both my girls rejected my nourishment between 10-11 months. Still, it hurts every time. Just like the end to any relationship, it hurts being rejected, dumped, pushed aside. As my final nursing relationship, I had planned to extend this a bit longer, at least a few months. I planned to take some final pictures, savor the last feedings. Reality has hit, teeth marks have been made, blood has been shed and I must move on.
My Isaac love, still crawling and keeping his babyhood alive.
Letting go is hard. From experience, I know the hormonal shift my brain and body are about to experience. I know the side-effects. After months of oxytocin flooding my brain every couple of hours of every single day, while sitting on a rocker, cuddling my babe and holding him to my breast, I must let go. I must make this life-change positive. Wrap it with joy! And so I climbed out of bed shortly after 6 o'clock, swallowed my tears, drank a cup of some of the best coffee on this planet (roasted by my brother-in-law/coffee roaster/buyer/expert), played with my kids and their new Christmas presents, put Isaac down for a nap and hit the road running. One hour later I was back home and at peace, ready to begin the weaning process and ready for my body and head to heal. Ready to wrap some joy around my reality. Life is hard but it can also be joyful. Wishing you all a holiday season full of love, laughter and joy!
Cesia enjoying a hot chocolate at Winning Coffee Shop,
home of coffee roaster extraordinaire, Matt Jacobsen.
Albuquerque, New Mexico.
Big sister savoring her hot cocoa at Winning.
After note: This past month has been especially busy for me, as for many of you I expect. December was focused much more on doing than reflecting for me and boy, have we done a lot. I have many posts to catch up on including: updates on half-marathon training, registering for the LA Marathon Relay as a Girls on the Run SoleMate, 2014 Marathon thoughts, our 2nd Annual Kid's North Pole Party where we hosted 18 toddlers who overflowed with joy, experienced our first family road trip to Albuquerque via Prescott where we stopped to meet new cousins and after 14 hours in the car together, grew even closer. I have lots of catching up to do, lots of plans for this blog in 2014 and lots of thanks to you -- all my readers. Please know that I am thankful for every one of you who have read my blog in 2013. I have big plans for the year ahead and look forward to sharing them with all of you soon! Thank you for sharing your time with me, for letting my thoughts seep into yours and for commenting and inspiring and motivating me. Wrap yourself with joy!
Mountains in the background and peaceful slumbers on the road.
And more peaceful slumbers.
Best part of the road trip: sitting next to this boy for 14 hours and watching him laugh, and sleep.
Cheers for relaxing final days of 2013!