Zombie Mode

It's late, I have been up since 4:00am. I should be asleep right now, but instead here I am in front of the computer writing. An empty (1/2) glass of wine and an empty Throat Coat tea cup sit beside me on the couch. Alan is aboard a plane home from Detroit at this very moment. He should touch down in about 1 hour. Typically a 9pm bedtime gal, I transform into a night owl when he is away. I have trouble shutting down without him. I fly through my ever growing to-do list, knocking items off while I have the opportunity. Evenings with Alan are spent enjoying dinner and conversation and then watching one 21 minute episode of some Netflix orAmazon prime show -- lately it has been New Girl. Pretty funny, entertaining and Zooey Deschanel reminds me of a good old friend who lives up north and whom I miss like crazy. In a weird way watching that show makes me miss her less. If you are reading this, you know who you are. Come visit, please - we love you.

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot these past few days of whether I am still a morning person. All my life I have considered myself a morning person. But these past couple of days without Alan around I have been forced to pull the early shift. When he is at home he is on Cesia morning duty. Isaac is sleeping through the night of late, meaning he is now asleep around 6:30 or 7pm and up at 4:30am for a quick snack, whimpering, babbling and whining and then back asleep until about 7am. Wonderful.. if he were our only child. That whimpering, babbling and whining wakes up Cesia EVERYtime. She has a noise machine in her room, on high. She's just sensitive and excited. Wonderful. So she is up somewhere around 5:00am daily. Typically Alan gets up with her. They eat breakfast together, he does his best to keep her quiet - which is quite challenging with an excited, energized Bunny Cesia who is ready to hop and roar and party at 5am. At 2-and-a-half years old (NOT to be confused with 2 years old) she still does not have much concept of a quiet voice.

When Alan is traveling for work I am up with Isaac, do everything in my power to get him back to sleep, tiptoe out of his room, shut the door ever so quietly to see Cesia sitting at the kitchen table, in the dark, ready to start her day off right. Preferably I would then hand her a warm plate of prosciutto, cheese, chocolate chips and a cold glass of orange juice in her favorite Sleeping Beauty princess cup (remember she's my little carnivorous vegan?! : )). Yeaaah, that's not gonna' happen. Especially not at 5am when this Mama is in complete zombie mode.

That is how every morning of this week has started out. I have been a brat, to put it nicely. Zero patience, snappy and annoyed. Eyes burning, body aching and begging to lie back down I switch on Diego or Blue's Clues for Cesia. Today, she proclaimed that she "Doesn't want any shows" but just wants to play (i.e., wants to shout and jump and wake up the other two sleeping kids). Dead tired, the last thing I need is to have three needy little ones up before the sun, so in a complete role-reversal I plead with her to "please just watch 1 show, please!" Ridiculous, I know. We don't typically watch much TV around here. Really. One show per day if the girls are lucky. But I am just so freaking tired. Minutes later Adara comes down the stairs. She plops beside me on the couch. For the next hour I am a mess. Trying to stay calm but just wanting to breakdown. To whom? My 2.5 and 4 year old daughters? They don't deserve that. I can't put this on them. They are kids, I am the adult. I have to get it together. I am not a morning person, anymore, am I? Coffee? Yes, please! 2 cups today. I typically don't drink caffeine. I hate the way it makes my body buzz. I don't want to be dependent on it, but you know what, I also don't want to pass out while making my kids breakfast. I guess this is how it's going to be for the time being. And now, it's nearly 10:30 and my eyes are burning and sleep will soon come. Tomorrow, Alan is on morning Cesia duty. I am sleeping in (until 6am - because yes, that is now considered sleeping in) after Isaac's 4:30am wake-up call, that is. Goodnight!

Are you a morning person? Are you a sleep-deprived Mama? Do you rely on that dark syrupy substance each morning? I have tried hot Maca and Camu Camu cider and several other herbal remedies to avoid coffee but on extra sleepless nights, coffee is a must. Coffee beans are all natural, right? How do you get through the early morning wake-ups followed by long days? Up until last year I used to at least rely upon the solace that I could nap when the girls napped or when they were at school. Most days I didn't end up napping, but just having that card in my back pocket helped get me through that first hour of the day. Now, it's not an option. Tips much appreciated for exiting zombie-land. Thanks.