Mind Games

This morning, I won a race. I am not going to brag, or be boastful, beating my chest and standing upon the highest step -- though I was asked to take my position on the podium this morning, beside two 16 year old twin sisters! To put it simply, I am proud. This is my passion, my love, my outlet. I work my butt off, I push myself -- and three kids! --  and so when I come out on top, or finish hard, or put in a good effort, I feel proud.

I am expressive about it now, because (as I wrote in a previous post a few months back), there were many times when I could not or did not feel proud of myself. I have won races before, many back in High School. Yet, somehow, I still felt inadequate. I rarely felt 100% proud of myself. So I will say it again. Today, I won a race and I am proud. I

f you win a race, or finish a race, or reach your goal or have a good morning without yelling at your kids or losing your temper, or whatever you have achieved that was wonderful -- please, just be proud. Recognize it, feel happy for yourself, and have a great day. We want our kids to feel proud of themselves, so why not model it, right?

Though I was the first female across the line today, I know that I was not the most physically strong woman out there. I have three kids, I am lucky to sleep 4-5 hours/night, I eat frozen burritos (I found an amazing brand of vegan ones at Whole Foods!) and whatever else can be devoured with most ease and least effort these days. I am surely not the strongest physically out there. I am convinced that all my running success is due to mental toughness. In my heart and in my mind, I know that I was the strongest woman out there today, mentally. When I toe the starting line, I know that my head is in the right spot. Running is all about mind games and is arguably more of a mental sport than a physical one. If your head is not in it, if you have doubts, if you simply can not step up to the line and believe that you are going to win, then guess what, you will never win (or achieve your goal, finishing time, etc.).

Today's course was one of the most challenging ones in which I have ever completed/competed. The first 2 miles climbed, hills so tough that the 16 year old twins in front of me started hiking. You are not going to win a race if you don't keep running, I thought to myself. I am not going to let someone beat me by walking. These are the thoughts that passed through my brain right before I politely asked, "Can I please pass?" One sister scooted to the right of the single track. The other feigned innocence. I asked once more and then passed quickly and carefully, never to see them again.

They were strong, they were physically rock solid, but their mental game couldn't hold. I am strong because I am a woman, I am a mother. I gave birth to three children, all without any drugs or interventions or pain-killers. I suffered through 32 hours of child labor, without as much as an ibuprofen, For 24 of those hours, I vomited all over myself and everything else in sight. At the end of those 32 excruciating hours, I was told to push with all the might of the entire universe to get this child out of my body and into my arms, where she would stay, forever. After you go through something like that, you don't lose to a walker. If someone is going to beat me, they are going to have to bleed to do it. That has always been one of my favorite quotes from Steve Prefontaine. Today no one bled, but I know that I suffered out there more than anyone else. And I was just lucky enough to come out on top.