A Big Thankful Post

Girls celebrating Turkey Day!

I will start out by saying that Thanksgiving has never been my favorite holiday. In fact, it has never made my top 5 list. Crammed between my favorites of Halloween and Christmas, Thanksgiving has always fallen short to those two magical days. I have never been a huge fan of turkey, I don't understand the obsession over stuffing and do not particularly love the hours of clean-up that follow the big dinner.

Yesterday, I loved. This year's Thanksgiving was quite possibly my favorite. No offense to Thanksgivings of past or family members with whom we did not share the holiday with this year. We missed you all and the day would have been that much better had you been present. My feelings for ranking yesterday as #1 all have to do with the place I am in at the moment, and that place is happy and thankful. 

Leading up to Thanksgiving, I spent a lot of time talking to the girls about being thankful. Each night for the past month we have discussed the things for which we were most thankful. "I am thankful for everyone at the dinner table," Adara repeated nightly over dinner. "I am thankful for my brother and my sister," she wrote on her holiday placemat at school." "For friends and family and my baby kitty (stuffed)," said Cesia. The meaning of the season was really present for me for the first time I can ever remember. Thanksgiving this year was not about the food, or the cooking or prep work or the stress of making everything just right. It was purely about enjoying each other and sharing our love and gratitude for all that we have. It was perfect.

I wrote previously about keeping our day simple and celebrating with our own family of five this year. That was our plan and we were excited about it, until our wonderful neighbors Kathi and Clark stopped by one Thursday morning on their morning hike. "We would love for you to join us on Thanksgiving this year," Kathi started. That was all she had to say and we were in. 

I first met Kathi and Clark while out pushing Adara in the stroller up on Mulholland. We said a quick hello, shared names, streets and smiles and they admired my new baby. Then we saw them the next day, and the next and nearly every day after on our daily morning neighborhood hike. How fortunate I am that our paths crossed - quite literally - and we got to know each other a little better with each passing. We have since become friends, Sunday school teachers together and serve on the Church and Nursery school advisory committees together. They are truly among the kindest, most giving people I know and the perfect model of a synchronous couple. We are so blessed to have them as role models and friends and to have shared the most delicious Thanksgiving meal with them and their loved ones last night. I wish I had pictures to share from the beautiful outdoor dinner but I was too busy enjoying my kids and being present in the moment. The moment was amazing.

Before Thanksgiving dinner we worked up our appetites by running the 1st Annual Downtown LA Turkey Trot. Good friend and Isaac's godmother, Ruth, had invited us a few weeks back. I convinced Alan that it would be a fun morning event and we registered online. I messaged a few other friends and they did the same. All sounded fun, until a couple days prior when we started to think about logistics. Suddenly waking up to an alarm at 5am, driving 30 miles downtown, finding parking and doing this all in the rain - as weather.com had been predicting all week - was not sounding quite so fun. But, we were all in this together and we had already forked up our $40/person for registration costs. I packed up the car Wednesday afternoon, included extra rain jackets and changes of clothes and blankets and enough food to last us a week just in case. When you go anywhere with kids, I have learned that you had better prepare for that just in case, unless you want it to end in disaster. And so Alan and I went to bed Wednesday night at 8pm both with sore throats and mild headaches and regretting our decision to have registered for this race. 

Thursday morning, Thanksgiving morning, the alarm went off and I hit snooze. Twice. I don't think I have ever hit snooze in my entire life. Seriously, I was that tired. I had been up twice during the night to a crying Isaac and bathroom break Cesia. Finally it was 5:10 and I zombie-walked in the bathroom to put on my running clothes. I wasn't sure Alan would get up at all. We had discussed plans the night before and decided that if he didn't sleep and woke up feeling sick he would stay home. I knew he had been up half the night with his typical insomnia, so I was not going to wake him. Much like Clark Kent's magical telephone booth transformation, I came out of the bathroom wide eyed and ready to race. I saw my own Superman climbing out of bed. "Are you sure you want to do this? I can go alone" I offered one last time. "It's Thanksgiving," he replied matter-of-factly. We were all in this together. We ate a quick breakfast with Cesia who woke up soon after us, grabbed a sleeping Adara and Isaac out of their beds and loaded everyone into the minivan. 5:50am and were were off to pick up Ruth and make our way downtown. 

Isaac caught some more shut eye on the drive down to the race.

On our way downtown we were blessed with stunning sunrise displays that promised this was going to be a good day. Again I didn't take any pictures, just enjoying the moment and feeding Isaac banana and bread crumbs on our way. 6:45am and we had already made it downtown. I guess driving downtown on Thanksgiving morning really is the best time traffic-wise to make the trek! Alan pulled to the side of the road, Ruth and I hopped out as gracefully as possible with three kids and a triple stroller and a bunch of baggage and we made our way to the start line as he found parking.

Soon we met up with my best friend from collegiate cycling days, Erika, who would be running her first ever race, and one of my best new mama friends, Kristy, who was a seasoned runner and had completed a marathon a few years back. Both lived downtown and were always up for adventures. We all discussed our race strategies a little bit. Though it was her first race and she had only run a handful of times, Erika is a natural athlete and a former pro cyclist. She is competitive by nature and I knew she was going to run hard and fast. Kristy and Ruth wanted to have some fun and finish happy. I wasn't sure what the heck I was going to do. I had been going back and forth all week on whether I would push the triple, push Isaac in the single and have Alan push the girls in the double (but then the two separate strollers didn't fit in our trunk), run along side Alan pushing the triple, push the triple with Alan, run alone fast, run alone slow. So many options. It was Thanksgiving, and we were all doing this together so we lined up behind crowds of masses all together. I felt like Alan wanted me to run with him and the kids, so I finally decided I would do that. 

The countdown commenced and the race was on! It took us a good 2 minutes to cross the start line with the triple stroller and the crowds of racers who all came downtown for the city's inaugural event. Alan could sense my anxiousness within the first 400 meters of jogging beside him. "This is like an obstacle course!" he excitedly told the kids. Swerving in and out of joggers and trying to move up, I was antsy. "Just go!" he turned and shouted. "Are you sure?" "Yes!" And I was off. Dashing and swerving and moving my way up, I picked off runners one by one. This is kind of fun, passing so many runners and feeling fast, I thought to myself. I had never started so far back in a race in my life and so the experience of passing so many runners was novel. The course was out and back meaning I could see Alan, the kids, Ruth, Kristy and Erika all on the other side of the road as I was nearing the finish. We all cheered for each other and I just kept on running hard. I didn't kill myself but did run hard and finished with my all. I realized that I can't come to a race and just run. I crossed the finish line in a chip time of 20:08 which was good enough for 1st in my age-group and 5th woman overall. A pace of 6:30/mile, that's the fastest I have run in quite a number of years and it felt good. 

Friends loving my kids.. there's no better feeling.

'Sup?

A volunteer cut off my chip and I crossed the street and made my way back to find Alan and the triple. He was moving fast and only had about 400 m left when I reached him. I jumped in the race and finished all together. The cheers for the triple stroller were incredible - louder than for the lead racers! Then a bunch of photographers jumped at the chance to take our pictures and comment on the craziness of a triple stroller! Alan pushed that thing up some gnarly hills to finish in 24:45. Erika ended up finishing 5th in our age group, Kristy had an awesome time herself and Ruth finished 9 minutes faster than her goal time! 

Post-race hang out!

Isaac appropriately sporting my 1st place age-group medal in his 1st ever Turkey Trot!

My cute littlest turkey!

Cool down in front of City Hall and the giant Christmas tree!

We spent the next hour hanging out on the grassy field across from City Hall, drinking free coffee from Groundworks, playing chase with the kids, watching Isaac crawl around and smile at everyone and enjoying that post-race endorphin high. "Let's do this again - make it an annual tradition," was mentioned more than a few times. Perhaps we will. In fact, yes, let's do it! Feeling grateful for so many things - among them family and friends and the opportunity to be out there together participating in my favorite activity - made for one wonderful Thanksgiving. The infectious energy of yesterday morning kept me going all day as we returned home for a neighborhood jog to give Cesia a nap (luckily it only took 15 minutes as my legs were fried), visited with neighborhood friends, watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade re-play on TV and walked the 1 block to Kathi and Clark's for the most marvelous Thanksgiving dinner feast. 

What did you do to make the day special? How did you celebrate? Any other Turkey Trotters out there? Apparently 80,000 runners participated in turkey trots across the nation yesterday - how cool! Are you ready for - dare I say it - Christmas? I sure am! My absolute favorite time of year and we are off to get the tree this afternoon. Happy Holidays, all!

So thankful for our wonderful family of five!

Stroller running

I woke up Saturday morning feeling antsy. Exhausted mentally and physically, I was in need of a break. Alan had been in Detroit most of the week on another work-trip and the girls were so excited to have him home Saturday morning, as was I, except that he warned me Friday night that he had to work all day Saturday. Ugh. As frustrated as I was feeling I knew that it was even harder for him. Yes, I needed a break badly from life alone with three kids, but he needed a break with these three kids in his life. The last thing he wanted to do was spend his day in the lab. Alas, he had a big presentation and a busy week (and month) ahead and simply no time to get everything done. To work it was this Saturday.

As much as I love running with the kids, I had been yearning for a day off from the stroller. It's heavy, it's slow, my back and arms were sore (stroller running really is a full body workout, especially triple stroller running) and I just needed some alone time. It would have to wait. We spent the morning having fun at a 2-year-old birthday party. It was fun, it was perfect, the mom did an amazing job cooking and crafting and prepping all sorts of creative activities for the little ones. But, when you already feel the itch for a break from kids, being around 20-30 additional kids does not exactly scratch that itch. What I needed was a run. Driving home from the party, I told the girls we were going to "Get home and hop straight into the stroller for a fun run!" They complained a bit at first, as they often do, though once in there they love it.

Then Cesia fell asleep, in the car. Ugh, she had been up since 5am and she needed a nap so I hated to wake her. As much as she needed sleep, I needed a run. What to do? Man, if Alan were home, on a Saturday, as he should be, I could have just left her at home asleep in the car with him as babysitter, I began to think. Frustration was filling my head and patience was dissipating from my body. Adara was annoying me for no good reason and Isaac was getting into everything - climbing into the dishwasher, spilling Snowball (our cat's) water, pulling out every single plastic plate and cup from the drawer, tossing a stainless steel mug repeatedly onto the ground, clinging and clinking and climbing up my legs as I tried to wash a single dish, and slipping and whining and.. I needed to get out of here.

An hour had passed, Cesia was still slumbering away in her carseat when I loaded Adara and Isaac into the triple. Next I attempted to transfer a sleeping Cesia to her seat in the mother-load stroller. Of course the transfer did not go smoothly. She woke up instantly, groggy, crabby and seconds later was screaming. Yelping about everything and anything. Now what was I going to do, run down the streets pushing 130+ lbs of weight uphill with a shrieking child? What fun! And on a Saturday of all days, when I was supposed to get in a solo run. I considered calling up a friend and begging her to Please watch my two girls, one of whom was screaming her brains out, for an hour while I ran alone with Isaac. I could handle running with one kid, surely, but three on a day like this.. I was not so sure. I picked up my phone and then changed my mind. We had the triple for this very reason, for days like this, and so we were off. Maybe we would turn around in 5 minutes and call it a day. Who knew?

Thankfully, Adara had grabbed two chocolate coins on her way out the door and one of these was handed to Cesia as a peace offering. She accepted, ate, quieted down and 5 minutes up the road was passed out again! Alleluiah! The girl really was tired and slept for the next 2 hours. God had heard my prayer this Saturday afternoon and blessed me with a day-changing, marriage-saving, inspiring, meditative 90 minute long run.

For 90 minutes I sang an ode to the triple stroller.. in my head. I was breathing too heavily from the 130 lbs I was pushing up hill to actually sing out loud, to your favor, neighbors. Stroller running surprises and amazes me. Four years ago I dreaded every single run with a stroller. I couldn't find the right stride, my arms ached, my back burned, it was so different from running alone. Why would anyone run with a stroller? I would surely rather wake an extra hour earlier and get out there alone. Months passed and I got used to the single, a little bit. I now realize that you get what you pay for when it comes to running strollers. We paid $99 for a jogging stroller found at Costco. It did the job, but not well. It has since been sent to the trash. Then I got pregnant with Cesia. Enter the Chariot double trailer with jogging kit attachment. This baby got me into shape and fast. More than that, it made me love stroller running.

Running with my two girls every afternoon became our thing, an activity, something to get us through those long afternoons and a means of napping for both girls as Adara refused to nap in bed any longer. Miles of road and trails covered with my girls and life-long memories made along the way. The double stroller became my refuge.

I absolutely love being a stay at home mother, but there is no use in denying the long lonely afternoons that can creep up. Motherhood is hard, especially before your kids are verbal enough to hold a conversation. You spend 12 hours with these beautiful, but needy beings who can't even talk back to you. You hear your own voice all day explaining and pointing out things and teaching the world to them. You get little back in return. As intriguing as child development can be, the first two years can be mind-numbing for a stay at home parent. I was used to constant stimulation academically, mentally and physically. Just 2 months before Cesia's birth I was finishing my Master's Degree in Integrative Physiology from UCLA and working in a Neuroscience research lab there. My brain was being challenged on an hourly basis. Now I was home with at least one child in my arms at any (every!) given second, changing diapers, wiping bottoms, cooking, cleaning and serving as full time slave to my 19 month old and newborn daughters. Running was my escape.

I know many mothers -- especially new mothers -- are in the same boat. We are crazy busy, but bored. We miss intellectual stimulation and physical challenges. We want to be there with our children every second to raise them to be well-adapted, attached beings yet we need some alone time. We don't want to pay for a babysitter or go to a gym with daycare where our children will simply be plopped in front of a TV screen and handed dirty plastic toys while we sweat away. The running stroller can save you. I know it sounds dramatic, but it can. I am a firm believer that the most important thing you can give your kids is your time. All they need is your time, attention and love. These three things are far more important than the latest toy or outfit. They just want to be with you. When I am running with them, rather than dropping them off with a sitter or neighbor, I am sharing my life and passion with them. They see that and feel that.

As much as I love running with my kids, sometimes I do dread it, like I did last Saturday. You will dread it some days. You will look for other outlets and consider other options like hiring a babysitter, or dropping your kids off at a neighbor's house. Sometimes those are good options. But you will also surprise yourself, like I did this past Saturday. Stroller running will surprise you by how peaceful and soothing it is to run with your kids and watch them sleep (Isaac and Cesia both slept for 90 minutes) and listen to them talk (Adara sat there chatting away in her own world) and play "I-spy" and "Find the letter __" and all the little games we employ while out there in the world together.

You will also inspire others. And turn heads. Not a single run goes by that I do not get at least one cheer or honk or comment on "My three kids!" or "You're tough!" We are tough. We are mothers. We are runners. I guess there aren't that many triple stroller runners out there. I rarely meet other running mothers and I think it's largely because people are intimidated. There are hundreds of thousands of runners out there, yet few mothers who run with their kids. As a new mother I think this can be the most beneficial time in your life to be running. I'd love to do something to get more mothers out there running with their babies, believing in themselves and feeling better about themselves. Any suggestions? It's something that is always on my mind..

I debated for months whether to get a triple stroller. My main concern was whether I could actually run with it. I didn't want it just for walking. I don't like to walk. For me, it's slow, it's boring, I like to run and feel the wind in my hair and sweat on my face. I like a good challenge. I read every review I could find on the internet for every triple stroller I could find. Most were disheartening. Most said they were simply too heavy, too wide, too big. Many people were selling theirs for these same reasons. Then I found Dorothy Beal at mile-posts.com. She ran with a triple stroller and ran fast. As of last week she has run 26 marathons and she wasn't born a runner. She was overweight, depressed and needing something when her mother convinced her to try running with her. Her story is incredible. I don't know Dorothy, but her writing was enough to inspire me to run fast with a triple stroller, too. My good friend Jean convinced me, too. "Yeah, you may not be able to run as fast with a triple stroller, but I know you can run with it." She believed in me. Sometimes you just need that little push, that one person who believes in you.

Let me be the one to tell you that it is not too heavy, too big or too wide to run with. If you want to run with a stroller -- whether it be single, double or triple -- you can do it. If you want to run with your child, explore nature, spend the afternoon outdoors doing something for yourself but not alone, you can do it. The running stroller -- I will not call it jogging stroller because it's more than that -- is made to run with and you can do it. Is it going to be easy? No. Are there going to be days you curse it and wish you could just get out there alone? Yes. But will you enjoy it? Yes. If you are new to stroller running, it will take getting used to, but it is so worth it. I am not a material person, but I can't imagine our lives without this stroller.

Saturday was a crabby, whiny, rough day where I needed a break. I pushed 3 kids up and around our hills for 90 minutes and was transformed. Every run with the stroller is like that. You come back feeling empowered, invincible, hungry for more and thankful that you are fit and healthy and can spend these moments with your child. And one day, they will thank you for it, too. Saturday afternoon we finished up our run and came inside to make hot cacao since it was 51 degrees outside -- which corresponds to "freezing" on LA thermometers. "This is the best day EVER, Mama. Thank you!" came out of my 4 year old Adara's mouth. Long run + warm creamy chocolatey (almond) milk = best day ever. I agree.

Even our mailman gave me a hug when he pulled up later that afternoon to deliver our daily ads. "I saw you running up Rosario (our steepest local hill) with that stroller and wow, I was very impressed. You are amazing." Kind words can go far.

Oh, and Sunday afternoon I got my solo run. And you know what? It was boring, nothing to write home about, definitely not life-changing. The running stroller is where it's at.

Best day ever! At the end of our 90 minute family run.

A Good Friday

Last night I realized that I have not written about running in some time. So today I'll write a little about running. My foot is feeling great and I am back up and running again. I am being cautious, though, and listening to my body more closely than perhaps ever before. Sitting out for two weeks screwed with me mentally, more than physically, and I don't want to go through that again.

Today was a good day. Isaac slept straight until 6:30am and I got to stay warm in bed until then as well. Alan is back home and was happy to see Cesia at 5:30 this morning after a few days away from her. We had a wonderful family breakfast, then I dropped the girls off at preschool with lunches so that they could stay until 12:30 or 1 in case Isaac napped long. That is exactly what he did. Little boy slumbered peacefully for nearly 3 hrs. Three hours of uninterrupted work allowed me to finish our annual family photo album for 2013. It looks great and I just need to finish some final edits tonight before proceeding to checkout. I take a LOT of pictures of my kids and I love having a yearly album printed out of all my favorites to look back and review throughout the year(s). Cesia especially loves them, too and at least once a weeks asks me, "Please read my Cesia book to me!" Girl loves pictures of herself. : )

Once Isaac was up, I bundled him up for the 50 degree Fall weather we are finally enjoying after a few weeks in the 80-90's again. This is heaven. I love these cold, windy, rainy days. Ultimate running weather. So we bundled up, strapped baby boy into the triple stroller and completed a speed workout on flat roads near the girls' preschool. Two mile warm-up, 6x200 meters hard with 200 meter jog recoveries, 1 mile cool-down and then straight to pick up big sisters from school. Speedwork with a triple stroller is hard, especially into a headwind. I would have loved to do it with Isaac in the Bob instead but it made no sense to run and then have to get in the car to pick up Adara and Cesia, so we tackled two jobs at the same time and extended the cool-down with a 2 mile run back home in which Cesia passed out. Once home she slept out front in the stroller for another 2 hours covered with two heavy wool blankets.

Sleepy sister and happy brother.

Adara, Isaac and I enjoyed a long lunch at home of homemade kale and black-eyed pea stew that I have been munching on for three days now and delicious cornbread muffins from my sweet friend and amazing cook who just happens to live up the street. Pineapple guavas were our dessert of choice -- picked from another neighbor's tree yesterday afternoon. Eating local can be so easy and tasty. After lunch I let the kids play on the kitchen floor around my feet while I cooked up a very green broccoli quinoa casserole for tonight's dinner. Mmmm.. this mama is excited for dinner tonight! I am back on a good cooking streak where everything seems to come together smoothly and effortlessly. There are many days when that doesn't happen and we are left scrounging together a "smorgasbord dinner."  Smorgasbord dinner is really a fancy word in our house for meaning a plate full of random items found in our fridge and cabinets at the end of a busy week. We must celebrate the little victories, because you never know when they will happen next. Tonight we will eat like Kings. And our wonderful neighbor just dropped off some organic chocolate truffles she picked up at Whole Foods this afternoon. So we are in for a good evening!

Very Green Casserole. Full of Kale, Chickpeas, Broccoli, Quinoa and other good stuff.

My little kitchen helper. Little boy getting into trouble.

The wind is gushing outside, the sun hasn't really made an appearance all day and we could not be happier. Even my legs feel happy -- full of that good achy feeling that only comes after a hard workout.  Have a great weekend, all! We have a jam-packed schedule ahead but all fun stuff - should be good.

My three running partners.

Zombie Mode

It's late, I have been up since 4:00am. I should be asleep right now, but instead here I am in front of the computer writing. An empty (1/2) glass of wine and an empty Throat Coat tea cup sit beside me on the couch. Alan is aboard a plane home from Detroit at this very moment. He should touch down in about 1 hour. Typically a 9pm bedtime gal, I transform into a night owl when he is away. I have trouble shutting down without him. I fly through my ever growing to-do list, knocking items off while I have the opportunity. Evenings with Alan are spent enjoying dinner and conversation and then watching one 21 minute episode of some Netflix orAmazon prime show -- lately it has been New Girl. Pretty funny, entertaining and Zooey Deschanel reminds me of a good old friend who lives up north and whom I miss like crazy. In a weird way watching that show makes me miss her less. If you are reading this, you know who you are. Come visit, please - we love you.

Anyway, I have been thinking a lot these past few days of whether I am still a morning person. All my life I have considered myself a morning person. But these past couple of days without Alan around I have been forced to pull the early shift. When he is at home he is on Cesia morning duty. Isaac is sleeping through the night of late, meaning he is now asleep around 6:30 or 7pm and up at 4:30am for a quick snack, whimpering, babbling and whining and then back asleep until about 7am. Wonderful.. if he were our only child. That whimpering, babbling and whining wakes up Cesia EVERYtime. She has a noise machine in her room, on high. She's just sensitive and excited. Wonderful. So she is up somewhere around 5:00am daily. Typically Alan gets up with her. They eat breakfast together, he does his best to keep her quiet - which is quite challenging with an excited, energized Bunny Cesia who is ready to hop and roar and party at 5am. At 2-and-a-half years old (NOT to be confused with 2 years old) she still does not have much concept of a quiet voice.

When Alan is traveling for work I am up with Isaac, do everything in my power to get him back to sleep, tiptoe out of his room, shut the door ever so quietly to see Cesia sitting at the kitchen table, in the dark, ready to start her day off right. Preferably I would then hand her a warm plate of prosciutto, cheese, chocolate chips and a cold glass of orange juice in her favorite Sleeping Beauty princess cup (remember she's my little carnivorous vegan?! : )). Yeaaah, that's not gonna' happen. Especially not at 5am when this Mama is in complete zombie mode.

That is how every morning of this week has started out. I have been a brat, to put it nicely. Zero patience, snappy and annoyed. Eyes burning, body aching and begging to lie back down I switch on Diego or Blue's Clues for Cesia. Today, she proclaimed that she "Doesn't want any shows" but just wants to play (i.e., wants to shout and jump and wake up the other two sleeping kids). Dead tired, the last thing I need is to have three needy little ones up before the sun, so in a complete role-reversal I plead with her to "please just watch 1 show, please!" Ridiculous, I know. We don't typically watch much TV around here. Really. One show per day if the girls are lucky. But I am just so freaking tired. Minutes later Adara comes down the stairs. She plops beside me on the couch. For the next hour I am a mess. Trying to stay calm but just wanting to breakdown. To whom? My 2.5 and 4 year old daughters? They don't deserve that. I can't put this on them. They are kids, I am the adult. I have to get it together. I am not a morning person, anymore, am I? Coffee? Yes, please! 2 cups today. I typically don't drink caffeine. I hate the way it makes my body buzz. I don't want to be dependent on it, but you know what, I also don't want to pass out while making my kids breakfast. I guess this is how it's going to be for the time being. And now, it's nearly 10:30 and my eyes are burning and sleep will soon come. Tomorrow, Alan is on morning Cesia duty. I am sleeping in (until 6am - because yes, that is now considered sleeping in) after Isaac's 4:30am wake-up call, that is. Goodnight!

Are you a morning person? Are you a sleep-deprived Mama? Do you rely on that dark syrupy substance each morning? I have tried hot Maca and Camu Camu cider and several other herbal remedies to avoid coffee but on extra sleepless nights, coffee is a must. Coffee beans are all natural, right? How do you get through the early morning wake-ups followed by long days? Up until last year I used to at least rely upon the solace that I could nap when the girls napped or when they were at school. Most days I didn't end up napping, but just having that card in my back pocket helped get me through that first hour of the day. Now, it's not an option. Tips much appreciated for exiting zombie-land. Thanks.

I can wait

Note: I wrote this on Saturday morning, just getting around to posting it now.

Down in San Diego on a little weekend get-away, I dropped Alan and the girls off at Legoland this morning. Isaac and I drove the 8 minutes back to the hotel for his morning nap. I used my time wisely and searched online for local running trails and breweries - there are a LOT of both in this area - to determine where we should run and refuel tonight. One short hour later my baby was up and ready to go. Back in the car we drove a few miles down the road to the Batiquitos Lagoon where we were not disappointed.

The scenery was gorgeous. Birds and small wildlife could be easily spotted by even a 10 month old (Isaac turned 10 months yesterday!!) whizzing by in a stroller.. as long as his hat wasn't covering his eyes. Perfectly content and babbling away, I peeked in the top of the BOB to see that Isaac's "Half-Full" hat had slipped down to the brim of his nose, completely obstructing his view. Did he cry? Goodness no! (Sorry moms, too many Pete the Cat books lately. I couldn't help myself). But seriously, little boy made no complaint. I took the hat off realizing that it was in fact only 70 degrees and not quite "freezing" as it felt after coming from 90+ degree temperatures back home in the valley.

Mama runner's-eye view.

We ran a decently paced 2 miles along a gorgeous sandy/wood-chip studded dirt loop to find it abruptly just end. Not quite ready to turn around and call it a day after a mere 4 miles, I decided we would do an impromptu speed workout. Right there smack in the middle of the woodsy trail was the most perfect 300m oval begging to be trotted upon. We obeyed. Pushing Isaac as fast as my legs could carry me for five intervals around this dirt track discovered at Batiquitos lagoon, I felt a bit like I was participating in a roller derby. Wheels spinning, stroller leaning into the curves, heart pounding, we had a glorious 5x300m speed workout with no one in sight save one 80-something lady walking her little terrier. I was careful not to knock her over as we skidded by on the narrow track. : )

Feeling quite satisfied, I turned that stroller around and ran the 2 miles back to our car at a good pace -- not too fast, not too slow. No watch today, just running by feel. When nearly back to the car I saw a young girl and her dad running together. The girl could not have been more than 10 years old. Long thin limbs, slightly awkward, with braces perhaps, she smiled and ran along happily stride by stride with her father. He gave me a smile as to say, "Good job." I wish I would have said something in response. They were moving. Definitely not jogging, this girl was a runner. How cool, I thought, to be out here running with your child. Then the next thought that came in my head was, "I can't wait to run with my kids." I nearly said that to the dad, "I can't wait until I can run with my baby." I am glad that I did not, because I can wait.

How often do we say that phrase: "I can't wait." A lot. At least once a day for myself, I am sure. I couldn't wait to have kids, I couldn't wait for them to grow old enough and be strong enough to sit in the stroller during runs with me. I couldn't wait for them to start preschool, to be old enough to participate in activities like gymnastics and tennis and swimming. I couldn't wait until we could take them to theme-parks and carnivals, eat out at restaurants in peace, swim in hotel pools and splash around and laugh together. But now, I can. I can wait, because it all goes by too quickly. I can wait until they are old enough to run with me, because once they can do that they will be that much closer to running alone and life on their own. I can wait for them to sleep through the night, because then they will be that much closer to sleeping outside of my house. I can wait for them to go to start preschool or kindergarten because then they will be closer to the day they start college. I fear the day they are no longer mine, the day they don't come to me to mediate every dispute, the day they stop saying, "Mama, Cesia said she is older than me" or "Adara said that I am just 2," and other statements that too often seem ridiculous to me, yet so important to them.

Seeing that daughter and father run in tandem today with huge smiles across both their faces reminded me that life goes fast. Adara is already over 4 years old. She will be starting elementary school next year. In 9 years she will be a teenager, in 12 years she will be driving. Life flies by and as much as I savor every minute, I do far too often think, "I can't wait..." Every stage is unique and wonderful. Isaac will be a year before I know it. Today's run proposed a new challenge to me: to stop saying "I can't wait." Because really, I CAN wait and I want to wait. These days are just too precious and too much fun.

Plant Eating Mama

This is a post that has been stewing in my head for months. Ever since I first started this blog I have wanted to write something on plant-eating. The reason it has taken me so long to share is that it is a delicate subject. Veganism -- there it is, another label. Though I do believe that "No one can make you feel inferior without your own consent," I don't like to make claims or statements that may cause people to feel put down. I believe that we are all on different paths in this life, trying our best and figuring things out. I do not possess some "holier than thou" attitude nor do I believe myself to be better than you because "I am a vegan." Such notions are ridiculous to me. Thus, I do not typically openly talk about eating a plant-based diet, or raising my kids on such foods. I am not a walking advertisement. I am not a doctor, nutricianist or dietician. I do not claim to know all the answers and my opinions on foods and subscribing to "diets" has surely fluctuated over the years. (Note: I have never believed in dieting nor do I now.) However, I am a firm believer that  if we want to get the most out of our bodies, we need to put the very best stuff into it. I think it is as simple as that. 

Eating healthy whole foods is a very important part of our lives. Since I first began running the summer before 8th grade I realized the connection between what was going into my body and what I was getting out of it. When I ate poorly, I felt poorly and ran poorly. Foods have incredible healing power. Half our nation is battling obesity. It is an epidemic. Cancer rates are increasing daily. Years of research have proven that eating a whole-foods plant based diet can not only prevent such diseases (cancer especially) but can also reverse them. This is not a scientific journal article and so I am not going to treat it as such. I am not going to spend time citing specific studies, but instead will ask you to do the research yourself if you are so inclined. Read The China Study, or watch Forks over Knives or do a quick Pubmed search on Whole Foods Diets or Veganism and Cancer or other such catch phrases.  

I just want to live long and healthy. I want my kids to live long and healthy. By eating organic, avoiding nasty chemical-dosed produce and antibiotic pumped fish and meat, I think we are doing a lot. Yes, it is impossible to completely avoid all pesticides and toxins and quite frankly, I am not going to kill myself over it. We do what we can do with what we have. I joke to Alan that I'm a Whole Foods Budget shopper, meaning that I do shop at Whole Foods but when there I shop on a budget buying only sale items. I watch the sales, cut the coupons. Our pantry is stocked with Superfood staples such as: chia seeds, flax seeds, lucuma powder, camu camu powder, goji berries, spelt flour, spirulina powder. A bag of each of these items will normally set you back about $20 so I wait until they're marked red and then stock up. Eating Superfoods is expensive, I will not deny that. However, I believe that it is worth the cost. Medical treatments for obesity or cancer or such other diseases are expensive, too. I view eating healthy as the best possible investment into our future and into my children's future. And it's tasty, by the way. Post punk kitchen has the absolute best vegan recipes I have ever tried and Julie Morris' Superfoods cookbook is outstanding.

Now, I am not 100% vegan. My kids are not either. This morning for breakfast Cesia ate a bagel with cream cheese. Adara ate a cup of plain yogurt with fruit. They have absolutely no idea what Vegan means. Kids pick up on everything, they are astute little beings. I do not talk about any diet to them or in front of them. About a year ago, when I was beginning to experiment with "going vegan," Adara noticed that I did not eat cheese. One afternoon I gave her a slice of organic cheddar. She looked at me and said, "That gives me a tummy ache." That statement from my 4 year old gave me a tummy ache. If it were true that would be one thing, but I knew she was merely saying this as a reflection of what she had heard me say when declining cheese on dishes. (I am lactose intolerant, ignored it for years and dealt with the aftermath of running to the bathroom after every meal. Now I recognize it, avoid dairy and feel great.) The very last thing I want to teach my children is to exclude foods in their diets. Just as obesity is rampant in our society, so is anorexia. I battled with eating disorders growing up and I will do everything I can to ensure that my children have a healthy attitude towards food. I didn't over-react to Adara's claim that cheese hurts her tummy because over-reacting is the worst response. Kids especially crave our attention and will do anything to get it. I did talk to her about it. I explained that our bodies need us to eat all different foods - a good mix. We had several discussions over what happens to our bodies when we eat specific foods, how we feel, what foods are our favorites, our less favorite and why it is good to eat a wide variety and color array of different foods. She has never complained about cheese (or any other food for that matter) upsetting her tummy again.

About 1-2x per month I eat a good old juicy homemade grass-fed organic hamburger that Alan cooks on the grill. The girls love mini burgers made by daddy, too. Our bodies need Vitamin B-12 and B-6 to rebuild oxygenated red blood cells - which they simply can not get from a plant-based diet. These crucial B vitamins come only from animal sources. I try to eat as naturally and real as possible. If my body can not get something from plant sources then I would rather eat animal sources a few times per month than supplement with a whole bunch of vitamins and pills. Being on the Atkins diet requires one to take about 30-50 extra vitamins and minerals in pill form. Does this sound a bit odd to anyone else??

Another issue I have wrestled with is whether we are really all made to be on a plant-based diet or whether we truly are carnivorous animals. History and scientific evidence can make great claims for both sides. In our own family I have scene claims for both sides. Adara was raised on a well-balanced traditional diet of healthy foods from all food groups. She eats very little meat, loves fruit and veggies and carbs. Cesia, on the other hand, was raised on mostly a plant-based vegan diet, with cheese and meat introduced much later than Adara. Isaac has been raised mostly vegan, as well. 

We sat down for dinner last weekend and all five of us had identical plates of food: burger on a bun, roasted sweet potato wedges with coconut oil and a touch of sea salt, grilled zucchini, butter lettuce salad and some fresh berries. The order in which the kids ate their food was a perfect example of such varied eating styles and choices. Adara ate, in order: her bun, then berries, zucchini, sweet potatoes then a few bites of her burger. Cesia ate, in order: her entire burger, then a few rotating bites of her veggies and fruit and finally 1 or 2 bites of her bun. Isaac ate everything in rotating order depending on which item he could grab most easily and get into his mouth in bite sized pieces. Why do they have such distinct food preferences? Cesia goes crazy for meat and chooses protein over carbs any day of the week. She ate 2 giant scallops for breakfast on Friday (leftover for mine and Alan's dinner Thursday night - because yes, I do eat seafood occasionally too and love scallops), much to the shock of Adara who insisted that it is breakfast and we must eat pancakes or waffles. I made beef stew a few weeks back and she sat there lapping it up, looked and me with big eyes and said dramatically, "Thank you mama, for making this. I love this beef stew soooo much!" 

Some may argue that Cesia craves meat because it was much more of a rare commodity for her during the early days. As her mother and being with her nearly every second of every day, I don't see this as the case. It seems much more inherent, genetic and primal to me. Her body truly seems to crave meat and fish and cheese. With that said and all the research proving causal relations between casein (the protein found in cheese and most dairy products) and many cancers, I do limit her intake, just without her notification. I do not explicitly tell her these facts because she is 2 years old and that is unnecessary and silly. Just as the majority of parents I know do not allow their kids to drink soda or eat cupcakes for three meals a day or blow through their entire bag of Halloween candy in one sitting, I do not let mine eat large amounts of animal products. 

We mostly adhere to the 95% rule meaning our diet contains 95% plant based whole foods. The other 5% is to keep us sane, happy and "normal." Normal is important, especially when you are a kid and you grow up in the world around other people, and not in some kind of bubble.. even if that bubble is for your own protection. I want my kids to be kids and eat cupcakes at class parties, enjoy chocolate birthday cakes on their birthdays (though ours are nearly-always made vegan unbeknownst to them and vegan chocolate cakes are the absolute best anyway), and just be normal. I don't want them to grow up believing in "forbidden foods" and then go crazy in the candy drawer at their friends' houses. I know that way of raising them causes backlash. And so we eat our black beans and our quinoa patties and homemade lemon lentil soups with cashew cream and we are healthy and happy and normal. 

What are your thoughts or preconceptions on veganism? Are you vegan? Do you follow some sort of "diet?" Do you cringe when you hear that word: Vegan? To be honest, I do. That label calls to mind hipsters with turned up noses and "holier than thou" attitudes. That is not us. We are just a family of five, trying to be healthy, avoiding diseases in such a simple way and fueling our bodies with foods that make us feel good. Because honestly, who doesn't want to feel good?

Change of Pace

I live for speed. I love running fast, getting things done, feeling productive. But sometimes, things get a little too fast. Life and kids demand that we slow down. Friday afternoon we packed up the minivan, picked up the daddy from work and headed down to San Diego where things are a little bit slower than LA. We plan to have early dinners, hotel bed pillow fights, visits to Legoland and the Wild Animal Park. We all need a little change of pace sometimes. San Diego, here we come!

 

Sunday in Numbers

Today was a long day, after a long week of many (near)sleepless nights. I want to drink a beer and pass out on the couch. Actually, that is exactly what I am about to do here. However, I do want to write a quick blog post as today was the day of my "Goal Race." The race that motivated me to begin this blog nearly three months ago. My comeback race of sorts. My first 10K in quite a few years in which I would test myself. Just as life goes, many unexpected things happened in the past three months. And thank goodness! How boring would life be if everything actually went according to plan?

Just four weeks ago I was diagnosed with a calcaneous stress fracture. I was devastated. My world froze for a good week as I felt sorry for myself, felt this deep void and knew of no other outlet for my daily stresses. In great physical pain and with no other choice, I took two solid weeks off, started back running very easy just as a means of transportation (to/from school) to avoid the minivan load-in/load-out ordeal and also to get Cesia to nap (easiest way these days and sometimes easy is what we all need). Last week I was still unsure whether I would be able to run the 10K.

If I could run it, it would be only to support my friend Sarah. Sarah is very special to me in a way that is hard to verbalize. I am convinced that she was brought to Woodland Hills last year by fate so that I could meet her. She is not a "Valley Mother" (and quite honestly I hope that I am not either), she abhors suburbia and will surely move soon. She tried it out, gave her best shot but misses the city dearly and will get back to West Hollywood when the timing is right. One of the first times I met Sarah, I remember asking her the common ice-breaker question, "What do you do? Do you work?" In response she told me, "My work is wildly important to me." I am going to be honest, at first I saw this as a red flag, a warning sign that her work was more important than her children. How wrong I was and how crazily I twisted her words in my head to view her as someone else. That is not who she is. Sarah loves her daughters immensely and is one of the most calm, attached, confident mothers and women whom I am blessed to know. She is my sage, full of endless wisdom on all things parenting. More than that, this Mama has taught me that I need something that is wildly important to me. Something other than my three love bugs, something more, something that moves me, inspires me, drives me. Running has again become that thing. I am eternally grateful for Sarah's friendship and today was honored to run her first ever race with her. She has been a runner for more than half her life, yet had never raced. That was just crazy to me. I talked her into registering for the Calabasas 10K with me and today it happened. She completed her first ever race like a rockstar. Finished 4th in her age-group (which by the way, was clearly the toughest age group on the course today) and 11th overall for women. Official race results are not yet posted so I don't know her exact time but do know that she was flying. I am so proud and happy for her and had an awesome time running with her. Thanks, Sarah.

So our Sunday in numbers:

2:          Age group finishing place
6:          Overall female finishing place
45:12:   Finishing time and 10K PR, I believe 
30:        My big sister turned 30 yesterday! The best big sister anyone could ever ask for..
21:        The number of times I have been woken during the middle of the night this past week. Tired. (I        haven't really been keeping track, but it has been about 3/night.)
110:      Number of times I laughed out load today over something Cesia did/said/sang. The girl has personality.
4:          Number of hours I got to spend with out of town cousins, my Aunt, sister and her boyfriend this afternoon just chatting like it was any other family party in Chicago. Now that I have my own kids and family I have come to realize the importance of family and I am so blessed to have such a great one.. extended and all. What a perfect, relaxing afternoon.
3.5:       Number of hours Isaac napped this afternoon. A record. Who knew being pushed in a stroller in a 10K could be so exhausting? This morning wore him out. 
1:          Number of stroller races I have now completed. My first ever and such a blast. Sweet Isaac was perfect, babbled in the beginning and then slept the rest of the race. I see many more in my future.

I won't include any numbers from today's Bears game, don't worry. When all is said and done my 10K race is over and things are looking up. Today was a wonderful end to our weekend and now a cold glass of something dark is calling. Goodnight, all!

And our week in pictures...

Isaac wearing his first ever finisher's medal.

En route to take family holiday photos.

Daily morning commute to school.

Making chocolate chip banana pancakes.

Wearing my new shoes I won as first female finisher (tied) in the Malibu Nights Trail Series.

Learning to use a computer.

Cesia running up our hill. She insists on running up, barefoot, at the end of every run.

Reflections

Forward: I wrote this post a few days ago. Then something happened. Isaac woke up screaming from a nap, Cesia and Adara needed 130% of my attention and days passed without me having a second to even open up my computer and hit "post." Here goes...

I haven't written in 6 days. I have been thinking of writing, many times, and have come up with entire posts in my head while out running or nursing Isaac to sleep -- my two daily moments of contemplative thought. There are a few reasons I did not write. The first reason was that my head has been full of humdrum, whiny thoughts. I will admit it, I have been feeling sorry for myself this week. More than that, sorry for Isaac who came down with yet another virus and has been clingy, snotty, whiny and especially needy. Babies are needy, by nature. I love this. Isaac being my last baby, I appreciate the extra snuggles, I hold onto every middle of the night feeding with patience and love knowing that he will sleep through the night. The day will come when he doesn't need me for extra comfort sometime during that 3 o'clock hour. The day will come when he pushes me away, rejects my nourishment. Adara and Cesia both weaned themselves around 10 months. I was heartbroken. Isaac is over the 9 month mark.. that day may be coming soon.

The second reason I have not posted is that I am tired. I haven't had the mental capacity to hold a thought long enough to type it, let alone any thoughts worth posting.

I would love to sleep through the night. However, that has not been the main cause of my frustration. I have been bothered these past few days by dug-up old feelings of inadequacy, of not being able to help my baby when he is crying and so uncomfortable and needs me. Sunday night Isaac woke at 11:15pm and screamed so unbearably for the next 4 hours. I nursed him, I rocked him, I snuggled him, I climbed in his bed, I brought him in mine. Nothing helped. His entire body was burning up and the thermometer behind the ear read 103.5. I had never seen such a high temperature in any of my babies. It scared me and my entire being ached for him. Yet, there was nothing I could do. The clock continued ticking and the night was passing us by, Alan and I were both exhausted. Tears came flooding down my face as I felt those old feelings gush right in -- memories of caring for a colicky Adara in her first three months. I instantly realized why those early days with my first baby girl were so challenging -- because there simply was nothing that I could do. Nothing. I was inadequate. She (and now Isaac) was uncomfortable, confused, in pain, needy but unable to be comforted. Four years ago, I felt like I did not deserve to be a mother, like I should have never had a child. Clearly I didn't know what I was doing. She was crying because of my inadequacies. Those are the thoughts that consumed me the Fall of 2009. They came back in a living nightmare this past Sunday night while trying to care for Isaac. Finally, after 4 hours of crying (most of it in my arms), he nursed one last time and passed out. Thank heavens for the healing powers of breast milk! I was able to lie him down in his crib and climb back to bed for 2 hours of sleep myself before early bird Cesia woke for the day. I have been running on fumes for a few days, quite literally.

Reflecting on that rough night -- and luckily it was only one really rough night -- and the feelings that were stirred up inside me, I feel so fortunate that my kids are healthy. How could I care for a sick child? One that is needy and whiny like that all the time? I don't know if I could. Mothers and friends of mine, do, however, and they inspire me. They hold their babies for hours, for years, watching them suffer through unbearable pain. I am sure they feel inadequate at times. But we must remember that we are all our children need. We make mistakes, we screw up, we get impatient, we can be clueless at times. But we are something more than that: we are Mamas, and that is the biggest comfort in the world. Our kids see us as heroes, role models, magical beings to heal their pain. We had better start seeing it because our jobs are just too hard not to be recognized and honored by that one very important person - ourselves. Our kids are a reflection of ourselves, so let's give them something good to reflect. Goodnight.

Saying Goodbye to Halloween

Happy November, all! I am a very attached person. This serves in the favor of my husband and kids, whom I have loved madly since the first time I set my eyes on them. Once I find something I love, I am stuck. I suffer post-partum ____ (insert event here, e.g., Halloween, Birthdays, XC season, etc.) sadness following every end. Each October 31st, I mourn the end of another Halloween. As a kid my dad extended the night as late as possible by often letting us go out "one last time," and then one more last time until the sky was black and the neighbors' candy bowls were empty. Still not ready to finish the night, we got to stay up to hand out the final treats to late-night teenagers left wandering the streets. Halloween was something special growing up and I want it to be the same for my kids. Last night we didn't shut down the streets, but we did stay out until 6:30pm. Woohoo! Late in our book and sufficiently late enough for the kids. And on our way home we made not ONE last house stop, but 3!


Trick or Treating at "One last house."

Alice, The Rabbit and Purple Froggie making their way home.

 

And one of those last house stops included viewing of baby turtles. Cesia was in heaven and talked about them this morning. (March 5th Birthday present planned.) We finished up a fun Halloween season with skipped baths, extra Halloween bedtime books, homemade vegan pumpkin pie and my best soup to date (Kale and Bean stew from Julie Morris' Superfoods cookbook - highly recommended!). I wish I took a picture because even the presentation was beautiful, but alas Alan and I slurped down every last bite leaving no leftovers behind.

Isaac and Me at Underwood Farms this October.

 

With every end comes a new beginning and with every November 1st comes a new Holiday Season. Thank goodness for Thanksgiving and Christmas around the corner! This morning after dropping the girls off at school I came straight home and pulled down the Halloween decorations. Reminders of those orange pumpkins and spooky white ghosts the girls spent hours decorating at school each morning only add salt to the burn that comes with the passing of Halloween. Tucked safely into the cupboards upstairs, we will see them again next October 1st - the day Halloween decorations are "allowed" to come out in our house. Pre-October is just a little too anxious. : )

Alan and I have been discussing our Thanksgiving plans a lot this past week. It will be our first year celebrating "alone." "We have a family now," Alan reminded me, "We are not alone." It just feels a bit alone as we won't have any extended family guests with whom to share the holiday. Before kids, we traveled to Albuqerque to celebrate with Alan's family. We spent Adara's first Thanksgiving in Sanibel Island, FL with my family when Alan had to be in Orlando on a work conference a few days prior. Last year Alan's family came to us. This year traveling with three kids over a short Thanksgiving weekend seemed daunting and Alan has to be in Boston just two days after, so we decided we would stay home this year. Both our parents already had plans in their home states. My brothers and sisters will be around the country - and world - with my brother and his wife Ali still down in Honduras doing some very challenging and incredibly meaningful volunteer work at an orphanage. They will surely bring those kids a blessed Thanksgiving holiday.

Being our first Thanksgiving as a family of five and Adara over 4 years old now, we want to begin making special holiday traditions. We discussed the option of trying to get invited to a friend's family party. This came highly recommended by a mama friend as "The Best Thanksgiving Plan" - you get yourself invited to a party, bypass the stress of cooking your own elaborate meal, prepare one little side-dish, feast on yummy food and head home by 7pm for bedtime (missing the clean-up, too!). Not a bad plan and quite tempting as we have a few friends who happen to be amazing cooks, but we have decided to do our own thing this year. Sorry, friends, we won't be inviting ourselves to your Thanksgiving family dinner.

Alan will cook some special meal - likely not a turkey as I'm not a fan and Adara won't touch it - but something special nonetheless. We will make a trip to a local Farmer's Market and prep something delicious and non-stressful. There's nothing like spoiling Thanksgiving due to overcomplicating the meal. Simply unnecessary. I want to make the day special in some other way though, something that spells family. I thought of a family bike ride, but we still don't have three bike seat-attachment options. A good friend asked us to join her for the first Downtown LA Turkey Trot. I just checked out the website and get this, strollers are allowed! A triple jogger Turkey Trot spells family, right?! Especially when Alan and I realized a few weeks back that we can push it together being the handlebar is double wide. Mom and Dad running together while simultaneously pushing their three kids in a triple jogging stroller. Cheesy? Yes, the cheesiest. Family-fun? Definitely. Thanksgiving Turkey Trot, here come the Jacobsen's!

How do you make your Thanksgiving special? What special traditions will you create this year (or every year) to teach your kids the reason for the season? In preparation for our Annual Thanksgiving Fundraiser at school, the girls helped me cut out 80 Turkey Feathers for a bulletin board display. The preschool children are asked to write one thing for which they are thankful on their feather. Adara thoughtfully chose, "Everyone around the dinner table." Cesia chose her baby turtle (who is stuffed, no real turtles here yet).

What are you thankful for this November? I feel blessed to have a long list in my head, the most important being my family of five and the chance to celebrate our first Thanksgiving together rather than "alone."

Making a "Family Sandwich!"

 

Loving these people.