Not Running

Right now I am using every ounce of self-control not to run out the door. My left foot is hurting. Most of the time the pain is a subtle, numbing, bruised-feel. I can feel it. The pain is there, as much as I try to ignore it. It's real. After prolonged time on my feet it becomes more alive and I am reminded that, No, I can't run. Admitting that is tough. Not running is even tougher.

It has only been 2 days off and I can feel myself slipping. After sitting during a two hour school board meeting yesterday, my heel felt good. It was almost to the point where the pain was un-noticeable. Maybe I can run tomorrow, I thought. But my better judgment reminds me that I have been through this before and running through it was not the answer.

Unfortunately, stress fractures and stress spots or "reactions" are not new to me. I have had more than my fair share of these. During a formative time in my life, I ran my body down. Quite literally. There was a long spread where I ran doubles - two times per day. My weekly mileage regularly hit the 70-80 range. I was young and invincible. Family, coaches and doctors all warned me of the risks. I didn't care. My body was a machine. Until one day, it broke. The pieces fell apart. I fell apart. I made it through four years of intense running in High School, but by the time I reached college my bones were weak, I was diagnosed with osteopenia, female athlete triad syndrome and hadn't menstruated in years. In my head these further confirmed my identity as a serious runner. Embarrassingly, I was proud.

College was spent in and out of doctors offices, training rooms, ice baths, stationary bikes, crutches, until I finally couldn't take the frustration of not running anymore. Enter cycling. I joined my collegiate cycling team, fell in love with bikes and Alan. Alan and I met through cycling. During these times of frustrations, and injuries and setbacks I am reminded of the silver lining. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that God has a plan for us, however confusing it may seem in the moment. Eight years ago, I was sidelined by a stress fracture, I bought a used road bike off Ebay, began racing it and met the love of my life. What if I never got that stress fracture? Would I have ever met Alan? Who knows, but it's doubtful as we were separated by 50 miles, nearly 10 years and few commonalities. He was living in West LA, studying at USC, working in Malibu and consumed by riding his Moots through canyons I had never heard of. I was in Claremont, studying at Claremont McKenna College, working at a Neuroeconomics lab in Claremont, had no car and rarely left campus.

Where will this injury bring me? I am staying positive and open to possibilities. I know that some good will come of this. I don't know what it will be, but maybe in another 8 years I will look back at this moment as "life-changing."

Montrail mimalist-running shoes.

A big step up in the cushioning department from my FiveFingers.

In the meantime, I am resting (as much as possible with three high-energy little ones), wearing actual running shoes with support and cushion (in hopes they'll make a difference), checking out pilates and yoga classes and other options to bring me inner peace and, of course, enjoying these kids! And, using every last ounce of self-control within me to not run.

Breakfast restaurant downstairs.