Fall Nostalgia

'Oh, the moon was gold, her hair like wind…

Take my hand, I'm standing right here,

You gotta hold on.

Fall and nostalgia walk hand in hand in my life. Just a taste of the seasons changing along with the leaves, cooler weather, sweater-adorned children and the memories start pouring out. There is something about Fall that draws out every memory for me stemming deep back into my early childhood. Football in the yard, the crunch of red maple leaves as my father pretend-tackles me, my sister's voice echoing off the house, the feel of slimy pumpkin seeds slipping through my fingers, the smell of my mother's pumpkin roll baking in the oven, chili cooking on the stove.

I sit here, sipping a warm cup of tea, listening to Pandora. I smell my neighbor's fireplace and my eyes fill with tears. I cry over Tom Waits' Hold On. Instantly, I wish I was back home. Desperately. But not home as in here -- with my own three sleeping children. I see myself back home in Chicago, 12 years old, in my childhood home, cuddled in a blanket on my parent's oversized plush couch beside my father, watching TV of some sort, football invariably. The song takes me back and I wonder, What will they remember? What will they hold onto? When it's all over, when they've grown and moved out, when they are sitting in their own house late at night listening to their own music, what will bring them back?

Will it be bluegrass or folk? Will Tom Waits resonate deep within them despite their best attempt to stay clear of that smoky, deep voice? Will music touch him? Will Bon Iver's Skinny Love bring a smile deep within and dry her tears just as it did in her very first months of life?

Adara and Daddy, listening to Skinny Love on repeat.

Where will they find their own nostalgia? Will it come from the coyotes howling in the distance? Will the mountains call to them as they do to me?

Will they seek out the ocean to calm their soul?

Will they find excitement in the city lights?

Or will the desert sun radiate within?

What memories am I leaving them? Will they look back and remember the feel of freedom as they glided over hilly trails on our sunset hikes? Will they remember being crabby and hungry afterwards or will they find comfort in a microwaveable vegan corn dog, a memory of their childhood past? Will he remember the wonder and awe he experienced as he climbed that mountainous rock for the very first time, opening up views of the entire valley and beyond?

Will new adventures excite him? Will long distance runs inspire and simultaneously remind her of the years she spent bouncing up and down, up and down, until sleep overtook her in the jogging stroller of her little girl days?

Will she run with her own stroller one day?

Will he tiptoe in the quiet of the night just to see them sleep?

Will she take pictures obsessively, trying her very best to capture the magic of the moment.. trying to savor and remember it all?

Will she know how magical every moment was with her?

Will he remember how loved he was? How he changed our lives in the most beautiful of ways? How he was made for us and completed us.

Will they know we grew up together.. that they taught us far more than we could ever teach them ourselves and that one day their own children will do the same for them.

Let's make our children's memories worth remembering. Let's make their nostalgia beautiful. What will they hold onto?