Labels

For years, I loved labels. I was a runner and I wanted the world to know. I wanted to look like a runner and I wore that label everywhere I went. I loved it when people came up to me and said, "You must be a runner." Often they would add a "You're so thin" or "I can tell by those long lean legs" or some other comment on my weight/body type.

I am still a runner. I am also a mother, a caretaker, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a Sunday school teacher, and the list goes on... But I am so much more than that. We are all so much more. I no longer live my life by labels. These labels are such a miniscule part of my life and part of who I am, thankfully.

I had a great conversation with a close friend of mine this week who decided to start working out with a personal trainer. She is not an athlete, never has been and does not enjoy exercising. She loves her body. She is a beautiful woman inside and out and lives by the motto that we are all gorgeous and we should all accept and love our bodies just as they are. Like myself, she is a stay at home mother and she has started to feel like she needs something a little.. more. Something for herself, to feel better about herself, to inspire and motivate her. And so she has decided to hire a personal trainer. She explained how this has left her feeling conflicted. On one hand she preaches and believes that our bodies are perfect just as they are, but on the other hand she would like to gain some fitness and strength and feel better about herself. Is this being hypocritical? Does it mean she doesn't love her body because she will be paying someone to help her take even better care of herself?

I have been thinking a lot about our conversation the past few days and I can lament with her conflicted feelings. I run, a lot some days, my neighbors see me running down the hill with a jogging stroller all the time. I drop off my girls in the triple jogger at preschool nearly every morning and pick them up in it again nearly every afternoon. I do not run to lose weight, or maintain my weight or even to gain more muscle. I don't run to change my body at all. I run because it makes me happy. That is it. I run for myself and to empower myself. I don't care if I look like a runner, because I know there is no such thing as the "runner's body." Just like my favorite children's book says, "It's okay to be skinny. It's okay to be big. It's okay to live in a tiny house. It's okay to wear two different socks..." Just because you run or ride your bike or hire a personal trainer to hold you accountable does not mean that you don't love your body. 

I spent years disliking my body. I never ran to lose weight. Running was always more than that for me. However, I did believe in "race weight" and the simple mathematics of power to weight ratio and so forth. I am not a professional and the slight differences in performance times are not worth the obsession. Nor is it healthy for me. I have an obsessive, addictive personality and I am old enough to know that I have to be careful before looking down the rabbit's hole. I may slip. I don't want to slip and more than that, I want to teach my children to love their bodies. We teach best by example.

My daughters have two very different body types. They are 19 months apart and less than 1 lb apart in weight. They like that. They don't know what weight means nor do they care. I hope they never do. They love to take turns hopping on the scale and seeing what number magically appears. My oldest is petite and may always be. My second daughter is tall like her dad and always has been. She loves food, all food, and I love that about her. Her favorite is olives. She'll devour a bowl of short ribs, chew her way through a plate of mussels and never turn down a taste of my dinner. My daughters both have strong -- but very different -- bodies. We don't tell them that. Anyway, they know that different is good.

Isaac, proudly eating his peas and broccoli.

Younger brother loves his food, too.

I believe that putting labels on our children is harmful. We become what we are taught, what we are told. If children are told they are beautiful, they are strong, they are hard-working, they will become beautiful and strong and hard-working. If we put labels on our kids and tell them they are tiny or big or skinny or fat, they will live by these. As a kid, I was always the skinny one. I knew that and eventually that became my identity. Obviously a lot of other factors were there as well, but as a self-conscious teenager I let that label control me. Then, I had to be "the skinny one." I was that girl who had to be the skinniest one in the room. It is hard to admit it, but that was me. I pray that will never be my daughters. I want them to be confident inside and out and love their bodies and know that they are strong, fit and capable.

I would like to share this article I read a few weeks ago. It is beautifully written, so true and I think about it often.

How to talk to your daughter about her body
by Sarah Koppelkam

How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: Don't talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.
Don't say anything if she's lost weight. Don't say anything if she's gained weight.
If you think your daughter's body looks amazing, don't say that. Here are some things you can say instead:
"You look so healthy!" is a great one.
Or how about, "You're looking so strong."
"I can see how happy you are -- you're glowing."
Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.
Don't comment on other women's bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.
Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.
Don't you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don't go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don't say, "I'm not eating carbs right now." Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.
Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that's a good thing sometimes.
Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you'll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn't absolutely in love with.
Prove to your daughter that women don't need men to move their furniture.
Teach your daughter how to cook kale.
Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.
Pass on your own mom's recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.
Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It's easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don't. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.
Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.
This post originally appeared on hopeave.wordpress.com.

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Tell your daughter that she can run a marathon if she wants to... I love that. Treat yourself and your kids with respect. Love yourself and all those around you. Have a great weekend!

Happy kids here.